July 16, 2006
And sometimes I dare not say anything more than what's supposed to be necessary because sometimes it just makes things more worse than it already is. I've learnt to shut up but that itself is tough it's like an arts of some kind to learn to shut up.
Yes, other stuff. Perhaps I said too much already.
It hurts to have your aunt call you and remind that you have a sister who's not going to be around for a long long time. Someday it'll kill because my breathing suddenly decided making things difficult for me. Thanks alot. I shouldn't have answered the phone. Even this isn't my main problem and I'm already getting so affected.
The more I sleep the more tired I get especially when you have people downstairs laughing every moment or two.
I hate being home because there's just so many things to remind me of what's troubling me and I just hopelessly don't have the heart to take them away nor do I have the power to knock the whole building down. It just makes me want to runaway, if better, somewhere out of this country.
I guess there's something terribly wrong about me I don't even need people to tell me that. And like I said it's sometimes better to shut up so please do.
Now I want to get out of this house but there's no place to go without getting lost. I've basically combed every single nook and cranny of this meagre little dot on the map and I know and it wouldn't help to go to the same places again in such a short period of time. And even if I know of big places to kill time, I'm trying to avoid. Because at such places where I used to enjoy myself very much, I'd just find myself walking away unwillingly at the end of the day and crying.
I havn't cleared the whole house for a long time I guess today's the day.
And I really wish I'd have something happy to present to you instead of problems everytime. Perhaps my studies again? I should stop all these delays and hope I'd find the mood to study very soon. It's tough because I'm not even myself in class. I'll find a way. I don't know how or when but I'll just try or hope.
Time for housework.
-nIx- @ [[2:21 PM]]
And sometimes I dare not say anything more than what's supposed to be necessary because sometimes it just makes things more worse than it already is. I've learnt to shut up but that itself is tough it's like an arts of some kind to learn to shut up.
Yes, other stuff. Perhaps I said too much already.
It hurts to have your aunt call you and remind that you have a sister who's not going to be around for a long long time. Someday it'll kill because my breathing suddenly decided making things difficult for me. Thanks alot. I shouldn't have answered the phone. Even this isn't my main problem and I'm already getting so affected.
The more I sleep the more tired I get especially when you have people downstairs laughing every moment or two.
I hate being home because there's just so many things to remind me of what's troubling me and I just hopelessly don't have the heart to take them away nor do I have the power to knock the whole building down. It just makes me want to runaway, if better, somewhere out of this country.
I guess there's something terribly wrong about me I don't even need people to tell me that. And like I said it's sometimes better to shut up so please do.
Now I want to get out of this house but there's no place to go without getting lost. I've basically combed every single nook and cranny of this meagre little dot on the map and I know and it wouldn't help to go to the same places again in such a short period of time. And even if I know of big places to kill time, I'm trying to avoid. Because at such places where I used to enjoy myself very much, I'd just find myself walking away unwillingly at the end of the day and crying.
I havn't cleared the whole house for a long time I guess today's the day.
And I really wish I'd have something happy to present to you instead of problems everytime. Perhaps my studies again? I should stop all these delays and hope I'd find the mood to study very soon. It's tough because I'm not even myself in class. I'll find a way. I don't know how or when but I'll just try or hope.
Time for housework.
-nIx- @ [[2:21 PM]]
